Divorce Advice: The Number One Recommendation

Introduction

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional process for anyone. As a divorce attorney, author, and coach, I often get asked the same question: What is the number one recommendation for people who are about to go through a divorce? In this blog, I will share my top advice that can help you navigate this difficult time with more ease and less stress.

Don't Litigate the Past

When going through a divorce, it's common for both parties to have a laundry list of issues and grievances against each other. Broken vows, affairs, unkept commitments – the list can be endless. However, it's important to remember that most states are "no-fault" states, meaning that the court doesn't delve into the reasons behind the divorce.

Instead of spending your time and money litigating the anger and seeking vindication for what occurred in the marriage, I strongly recommend focusing on the practical aspects of the divorce. The court's primary concern is determining matters related to custody, parenting time, child support, and other legal aspects. In fact, in the majority of cases, the divorcing parties settle their issues outside of court, and their agreement becomes the final judgment.

Seek Emotional Support

Divorce is undoubtedly an emotional process, and it's natural to feel anger, sadness, and a range of other emotions. However, it's essential to find the right outlets to address and process these emotions. Litigation is not the appropriate forum for dealing with the underlying anger or seeking revenge.

Instead, consider seeking therapy, coaching, or joining a support group. These avenues can provide you with the emotional support you need during this challenging time. Additionally, programs like 12-step programs or pastoral care can also offer guidance and assistance in navigating the emotional aspects of divorce.

The Impact of Litigation

Choosing to litigate your divorce out of anger or a desire for revenge can have significant consequences. Not only can it be emotionally draining, but it can also be financially burdensome. I have witnessed individuals spending thousands and even tens of thousands of dollars in an attempt to get back at their spouse or make the process uncomfortable for them.

However, it's crucial to consider the impact of this approach on yourself and your children. Engaging in a lengthy, contentious legal battle can harm your well-being, strain relationships, and deplete your financial resources. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your children by seeking a more amicable resolution.

Conclusion

As you face the prospect of divorce, remember that litigating the past and seeking revenge may not be the best course of action. Instead, focus on the practical aspects of the divorce and seek emotional support to help you navigate this challenging time.

By prioritizing your well-being and choosing a more amicable approach, you can minimize the emotional and financial toll of the divorce process. Remember, the court's primary concern is the legal aspects of the divorce, and seeking vindication through litigation will only prolong the process and cause unnecessary harm.

Wishing you the best as you embark on this new chapter in your life.

If you need the ultimate resource for navigating the legal, financial, emotional, and personal growth aspects of divorce, you can get Suzanne's award-winning book, Divorce Wisely.