Divorce Wisely:  Resurrecting the Dream of What Was

Have you ever gotten to the end of your relationship or marriage, and wondered what happened to all the joy and all the love and all the promises of an enduring, lifelong connection? Have you wondered “when did we shift gears from the deep love that we shared to…this?  How did we get here?” Have[…]

Over-Giving

Over-Giving: New Year, New Life Series Opposites attract, as the old saying goes.  European Society of Human Genetics has even found scientific evidence as to why this occurs.  Apparently, if we’re in our child-bearing years, we look for partners who are different from us to expand the genetic building blocks for the benefit of our[…]

Limerence at First Sight

There is a dream in our culture, which is both persistent and misleading. It is the intrusive fantasy of falling head over heels in love at first sight, pursuing and receiving reciprocated affection, and living happily ever after.  Truth is, this type of romance is purely and simply fiction.  Falling in love (lust) at first[…]

Personal Growth & Conscious Relationships

Personal Growth The path of personal growth can be painful at times. The ancient Greek dramatist, Aeschylus, describes it as “wisdom through the awful grace of God.” I would modify this quote slightly for my own purposes to say “wisdom hard won through the awful grace of committed personal growth.” Commitment to one’s personal growth[…]

Marriage Vows vs. Partnership Theory

When two people stand at the altar and pledge themselves to each another in marriage, they do so through vows. These vows often go something like “to love, cherish and honor until death do us part.” To me, the statement of the vows is the most poignant part of the marriage ceremony. Why? Because it[…]

Why We Stay

What do dog trainers, psychologists, casino owners, and parents of toddlers have in common? They are all familiar with the concept of intermittent reinforcement. Intermittent reinforcement occurs when rewards, rules or personal boundaries are given out, or enforced, sporadically.  This encourages the animal, the child or the other adult to keep pushing until they get[…]

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People often ask me why people divorce. I think they expect to hear that people divorce because of long-standing disagreements about money, children, sex, chemical dependency or whatever. Certainly these things can contribute the breakdown of a marriage. But, that’s not what I believe about the ending of marriages or any relationship, for that matter.[…]